An April Fool in the Sunshine...

First short-sleeve day

as the rays of the sun

upon my face

brings color to my cheeks,

burning winter's pallor.

Only one layer separates me

from the elements.

My feet are warm

in the outdoors

for the first time in months...

People in t-shirts

and bone-colored shins

beneath baggie shorts

smile as the strut about

as if enjoying an inside joke.

Lawyers and litigants in business suits

walk with ties hanging loose,

but the home boys,

still with the hoodies

act as if nothing has changed,

that the world is just the same...

the pattern, perhaps

but not the moment...

     04-02-13

Mea Culpa...

For two cents
you'd give me a peace of your mind,
but why is it only a penny for my thoughts?
Seems the rate of exchange
is not what i sought.
when dealing with what is at first withheld,
out of anger or courtesy
But if you let thoughts stew
they can fester and rot
and turn back upon you,
growing like a tumour untreated,
leaving you already defeated,
a victim of your own conceit,
an instrument of anger...

Therein danger lies
and you may come to despise
the thoughts that come to mind
when you feel you have been slighted...

So delight not in retribution,
seek a calmer, safer solution
Anger only causes confusion
and distortion of the facts,
for there are always three sides to a story;
yours, mine and the truth...
What is so often lacked is tolerance
and time, if but a second,
to step back and think,
if i am wrong,
where will the hurt lie?
        04-14-13

Time...

Sometimes it seems
like it's all a cruel game.
Worlds change
but still i stay the same way.
I know, you know,
we all come to know
but what i ask is who,
who made up these foolish, foolish rules.

Most times i feel
like the youngest kid on the block.
Come on, let me play,
i hear the ticking of the clock
I know, you know,
we all come to know
the sands of time
thought the grains are so very fine.

Melancholy baby,
maybe you will find
if you lost your happiness
or just left it behind,
Maybe there's no reason,
but season what you find.
Sometimes the bitter taste of truth
lingers beyond its time.

Sometimes i feel
that nothing really does ever change.
Just names and dates,
look them up in history books
or Look, or Life
and hear now the news
but only on the channels that you choose.

Meloncholy baby,
maybe you will find
if you lost your happiness
or just left it behind,
Maybe there's no reason,
but season what you find.
Sometimes the bitter taste of truth
lingers beyond its time.
                Circa 1980s

Near Panic...

It's as if there's little on my mind,
but a weight upon my soul,
a cross i bear without seeing what i carry
as i drag myself toward some form of control
Searching for parity or at least some clarity
to the mirror obscured by my doubts,
darkened by fears that bind and anger that blinds,
with sadness following slowly but surely behind
Sometimes it seems i have nothing to share
and other times much more than i can bear
and not wanting to share troubles
only doubles the anxiety
that grows from within me,
located somewhere near my diaphram
and moving up to my chest.
A rest, you may say is what is needed.
The test is to weather these moments at once,
to pounce on your sadness,
reminding it that it's only in your head,
that you're your own worst enemy
and the battle lies within you...
           04-29-13

What's the Truth Today?...

You know it's true
what i'm saying to you;
the grass is green
and the sky is blue
There's not much more
than i know to be so;
the rain falls down
and the grass it grows
Tell me,
what's the truth today?
Tell me,
 is there truth in what you say?

And you know it's false,
all the hopes you've had
Learn the difference
between good and bad
Resolutions
that you break each year
without a second thought
or an alligator tear
Tell me,
what's the truth today?
Tell me,
 is there truth in what you say?

And i'm not preaching,
i'm just trying to understand
Throwing out these questions
and seeing where they land
Don't have any answers,
but my thoughts i call my own
To which i am entitled
in the comfort of my home
Tell me,
what's the truth today?
Tell me,
 is there truth in what you say?
            circa 2000

Venus de Milo...

The lady's so beautiful
but she'll never hold you
She's known by everyone
but she'll never hold you
With her perfect hair
and that marble stare,
a work of art.

She's loved by everyone,
but she'll never hold you
Shining brighter than the sun
but she'll never hold you
With such lines,
carved so very fine,
a work of art.

Walking down the street
just glad to behold you
Ah, such tiny feet
but she'll never hold you
So well preened
in designer jeans,
a work of art.

The lady's so beautiful
but she'll never hold you
She's known by everyone
but she'll never hold you
With her perfect hair
and that marble stare,
a work of art.
      Circa 1979

T-shirt day...

Sun through the blinds
weaves a patchwork quilt of light,
or is it checkerboard squares of shadows?
A window-open day,
first warm wind of the year
warming my hands and face,
making me slip off the windbreaker
and let sunshine upon my short sleeved arms
for the first time this year.
Buses, with windows open, roll past
the sounds of children laughing,
like a audio tail, trailing behind them
as they go, kicking up the dust on the road
like a kid kicking a can down the street.
Skateboarders snake by,
going against the traffic,
wheeled salmon head back home,
hoping to avoid the metal bears
as they pass by.
A sweet taste to the breeze,
flowers opening up
and sharing their scent.
Hard to be down on a day like this...
It happens...
but it doesn't take away from the beauty...
             04-24-13

Ghost of a Chance...

How is it things can be so wrong
and so right?
wondering how i can make it
through the darkest of nights
sometimes feel like i am in a fight
with no chance to defend myself
and the simple things that you all do
are so damn hard for me
yes, my friends, it is so true
that i fight with what is worst in me
and it is so hard to see
throught tears of frustration
knowing that intelligence and education
mean nothing,
that the first shaky step is the hardest
when you don't believe in yourself
and if you can never understand
how then can you help yourself?...
           2-28-10

Standoff...

In the blink of an eye
shadows emerge from the darkness,
bringing you back to reality
from the thoughts upon your mind
Dark night and darker deeds
are the way that some find what they want
but perhaps it is what they need,
what they lack,
be it physical or spiritual
that puts them on the wrong track,
where the light at the end of the tunnel blinds
The law of might makes right
might get you out of tight places
but it is not the right answer,
nor does it ask the right questions
How to get beyond the hard line,
to find the time to look again
and see the difference in a life lived
and one endured
It is on the razor's edge of life and death
that one appreciates each breath,
though sometimes it may be the last...
         04-19-13

City Lights...

Feeling the pulse of a city again
Hell, this is no small town
Feeling the pulse of the city again,
if you want it you'll find it around
Most cities never sleep
though apples shine so bright
Someone's always waking up
as lovers say goodnight

Getting the nerve in a city again,
dodging cars everywhere
Braking as swerve in a city again,
some people just don't care
People searching for an end
to justify their means
for when the stop to take a look
they don't like what they see

Getting the groove of a city again,
getting to know east from west
Learning to move in a city again
and which shortcuts are best
Do you find your way around
or do you fumble in the dark,
searching for the light
when you lost the spark?

      circa 1981

Don't Take it...

You've been hiding behind
shadows of doubt
Merely whispering
when you know you must shout
How else can you be heard above the noise
of the children as they play with their toys

Don't take it too seriously, baby
If you can take it at all
It don't break even, baby
and you know you will never have it all,
know you will never have it all
No, you will never have it all

You've been treating your friends
just like a crutch
Don't stay too long
or you may lose the rush
and emotions are universal...
Just the same,
they are far too personal

Don't take it too seriously, baby
If you can take it at all
It won't help you in the long run, baby
in getting over the wall,
getting over the wall
Disregard the cries in the hall...
            circa 1981

Wondering...

Sadness defines me,
though the edges are blurred
happiness poised on the edge
Fears that confine me
to my lonely cell
Seems like it's all that i've known
I need to get straight
but is it too late?

So much behind me
but what lies ahead?
Wish i could see forward instead
But i when look back
i feel so much regret
for chances not taken at all
I need to get straight
hope it's not too late

My friends remind me
that there is still time
to make that hard, weary climb
My dreams combine me
with reality's slap
Awake but still dreaming, it seems
I need to get straight
it's never too late

The things i remember,
the things i forget
and the point so hard to get
Trying to make it make some kind of sense
Why is life so hard to accept?
I need to get straight
Don't say it's too late...

We live in the moment
when there's nothing else
Reliving is giving way
Kick at the truth
watch it shatter
What matters is not a matter of facts
I need to get straight
it's never too late...
      02-07-13

Warm Winter Day...

Night's light snowfall,
powdered sugar on the street,
disappearing with first light
The streets shine wetly
as the cars go by,
melting the snow
that hides in the shadows,
hoping to last a little more
Tracks of squirrels and pigeons
clustered by the trash cans
keeping their routines intact
whatever the weather
Flashes of light from windows
proclaim the sun's warmth and power,
the heat, increased by the glass,
radiating to warm you as you pass by
Smiles and nods of greeting
from strangers you are meeting
for day's beauty brings comradeship
Spring may come soon
but enjoy the days of winter
as they remind you of the changes
in the earth and yourself,
as we blow hot and cold
on any given day...
       02-06-13
©1980-2013 Gus Useda - All Rights Reserved.

Believe...

My thoughts turn to jealousy;
how it is not doubt
of the love one shares
but doubt in yourself,
that you don't deserve
the love you have,
that you are not worthy enough
to keep the light in love's eyes shining
Far easire to believe
your love could want better
and seek better than you,
that as the time passes
love will grow weaker
because of your faults
To doubt your love,
to fear that it will fade
speaks of your self esteem;
holding yourself less than others
because of the doubt that whispers
this is too good to last,
that fairy tales don't come true,
that the skiy is more grey than blue,
that nothing is forever
Love is hope,
love is faith,
love is forever
Nothing can erase it
If it fades, it was not love,
for love does truly conquer all...
          02-05-13
©1980-2013 Gus Useda - All Rights Reserved.

Ghost of a Chance...

How is it things can be so wrong
and so right?
wondering how i can make it
through the darkest of nights
sometimes feel like i am in a fight
with no chance to defend myself
and the simple things that you all do
are so damn hard for me
yes, my friends, it is so true
that i fight with what is worst in me
and it is so hard to see
throught tears of frustration
knowing that intelligence and education
mean nothing,
that the first shaky step is the hardest
when you don't believe in yourself
and if you can never understand
how then can you help yourself?...
            03-01-10

                

Soothing...

Your scent lingers,
clinging to my clothes,
reminding me of passion
so few ever know
The air it vibrates,
fills me to the core
I could breathe you in forever
and always still want more

Your eyes invite me
to be carried away
Lost within your gaze,
not wanting to be found
Searching for peace,
found relief in your arms
and the ill winds that blow
can never do me harm

What's this,
Can someone explain
how it all feels so new
but at the same time so much the same?
What's this,
if not how it should be?
Fables, myths and magic
that brings me to my knees

Your voice it calls me
from the deepest gloom,
fills my heart with hope and wonder,
plays a lovely tune
In tones that soothe me
and give me what i need
when i feel doubt inside me
you make me believe

What's this,
Can someone explain
how it all feels so new
but at the same time so much the same?
What's this,
if not how it should be?
Fables, myths and magic
that brings me to my knees...
02-01-13

Heartsounds...

Is love just luck
and happenstance,
a mingling of chemicals
that we sense
but don't smell?
I think not...
I believe it is a knowing,
a realization that strikes,
as the Italians say,
like a thunderbolt
that fires the heart,
aflame with wondrous light
and an inner heat,
an eternal flame that never dies
that cries of longing,
of wanting to belong
completely and everlasting
Love, true love
is more than the physical,
it is an eternity in a smile,
a gaze into eyes
that hold no guile,
only caring and concern
and a willingness to do anything
to keep the fire burning,
to warm the days
 and light the nights...
     01-31-13

Cold Hands, Warm Heart...

The artic blast whips along the sidestreets,
hitting my face like a slap
as i brace myself against the frigid wind
the chills my face and ears
A short walk made much longer
by the weather,
making me hunch against the cold
and increase my speed
Too close to take the car
so i venture forth
prepared, or so i thought,
for winter's chilly onslaught
Leaving a room uncomfortably warm
for the streets horribly cold,
no happy medium,
no end to the tedium,
looking for ways to engage my mind
and leave the fearss and worries behind
that keep me frozen
trapped within myself
Looking out from within
and hoping to find peace...
           01-23-13

From My Window II...

Footsteps on the stairs,
hear the traffic
through the window,
sounding like the surf
as the cars roll past
like waves crashing
on the shore
Passing voices,
laughs and oaths,
echo in the street
and the steam heat
sing, "i got steam heat"
starts to whistle
but i don't hear a tune,
just the asphalt sea and me
with concreted beaches separating each block...
            01-17-13

Sad Shadows...

There,
in the hollow
of my heart,
where sadness often follows
and small swallows
of anxiety
sometimes
are too much to bear
To care so much
and do so little,
the small contrivances
and such
will not ease the sorrow
when the much regaled brighter tomorrow
never arrives...
       1-17-13