You Can't Teach an Old Dog...

A reminder i did not need,
     when forgetting was what i was after
how quickly died the laughter,
     how easily i cry...

Another memory i don't want,
     not that has ever been a factor
for all the tears that have splattered down
     will not ease the pain of my shame...

All too well i know my situation,
     what seemed a cruel reminder
when least expected has left me spent
     and hesitant to speak now
The penitent who knows
     he has never been worthy
and now sees how useless and tragic
     are (for lack of better word)
his meager abiities...

Retreat now into the shadows
     until the day ever comes
to see and be seen in better light;
     to come out blinking,
holding my hands before my face
     against the brightness,
a prisoner of my own darkness?
    For i can not bear to see
me as you see me
     reflected in your eyes
It was easy enough
     to despise myself before;
today so much more,
     too much more...

My soul is battered,
     near shattered and sore
Such are some days,
    such are my ways
and today i can not bear any more
     Today the Windmills have won,
the battle, is seems, was only in my head,
     Cyrano was struck be a log unseen,
and heroes sometimes  do die in the end...
                    09-17-10