Blue Year...

After a bout with sadness,
the madness i go through
i return to earth embarrassed
with singed wings and my halo askew
wondering how anyone can understand
the hell i just went through
For it is the degree others cannot see,
how the agony and frustration
sometimes has me seeking higher elevations,
to sit at the edge pondering my station,
wanting to take the step into nothingness
for the less i feel the better off i am,
my heart is too real, still a child instead of man
so hard for me to conceal  my thoughts
and yet so hard to understand
for i am not what people think i am
I am not calm, cool and relaxed
i am forever nervous and worried,
as skittish as a cat,
uncomfortable in crowds
and people who are loud,
having little reason to be proud
for though others may enjoy
what words and music i produce
my words and songs have not set me free
to me, they are of little use
for they are just my thoughts
words and images i already know
and they only show how little i have grown
stunted by my sadness,
echoes  of a lost soul...