First Step...

Sadness is

    and sadness was

the way to be,

     the way to see

It has become so ingrained in me;
     listening but not paying attention,
living in a state of suspended animation,
     waiting for the next shoe to fall
or give me that much needed kick
     a start for my heart
that's been falling apart
     piece by piece...

Holding so much in
     it seems i've forgotten half
feeling like i might implode
     Now wouldn't that be a laugh?
Like new cars that fail
     because of a tiny chip
sitting broken in a garage,
    ever waiting for my ship...

Wanting to shift gears,
     must i wait another year?
I've prayed, i've brayed,
    don't mistake it for being staid
it's not the first step that's the hardest
     it's the first thought,
the belief in yourself
     that will get you moving
but where does that come from?