Wipeout...

This is all i have ever had;
     printed word on page
In times of desperation and confusion,
     the depths of anguish,
amid my bitterness and rage
     Nothing else comes close
but it's not as if i chose
     for no one hears words i 've said
preferring the pretty patterns
     made by the splatters of my tears
and words written in blood red ink
     for i write what i feel , not what i think
letting you take long, languorous sips
    as the fool struggles on the ever sinking ship
while trying to document the disaster
     What is it i'm after, what is it i have sought
for all my love, my heart my soul
    have paid a price too dearly bought
and the only thing i have wrought
    is to hate myself even more.
for always crashing in the surf 
     just within sight of shore...